Bertie Ahern delivered his swan song to the joint houses of Congress today.
Here are a few things he was unlikely to say to his American audience…
- Ah howya, Nancy. Yer lookin’ good!
- On behalf of Her Royal Majesty, I am glad to be here today.
- Infidels! You all die now!
- Ah for feck’s sake: you ask me to speak here but you couldn’t even put me in a proper gaff last night..
- The following Irish wish is appropriate tonight.. “Ciúnas bóthar cailín bainne”..
- Whew! It’s a lucky thing I won’t be Taoiseach for the Lisbon Treaty Referendum..
- Thank goodness we got an agreement in Northern Ireland before that plank, Bush, was elected..
- You should take a look at my successor – he looks like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle..
- I’m goin’ to Boston to get pissed! I’ll be cryin’ plenty of tears for Parnell then, wha?
- And to the Irish people, I say… so long suckers! I bought a one way ticket and I’m claiming asylum here..